In the past few weeks, I have had much to celebrate; life, love and creating more life, otherwise known as a birthday, anniversary and Mother’s Day. Now that I can sit and reflect on it all, it was like reaching a destination and getting a clear view of the horizon for the next journey all at the same time. SO this is my last look back before move forward leaving all the unnecessary baggage behind.The Birthday…
I have just turned 40 and I am so happy to get here. For most of my life I didn’t think I would get here at all and to be honest I spent many years running to the edge of cliff not quite having the inspiration to jump but just enough drive to see how close I could get. There are a few, ok maybe more than a few, nail biting, cliff hangers in my life. Some may be considered courageous and spontaneous, others just plain stupid. In any case, every moment good, bad, painful, joyful got me to where I am today. And I really like who I am right now.
I was very broken. I worked very hard at keeping people out because the core of me was so wounded I didn’t want to risk anyone else doing more damage. Even writing that last sentence caused me to catch my breath because I have cracked the door open to let you all in. Admitting I am not solid to the center, not an easy task especially after 40 years of fortress building. But now I am working on clearing the walls, lightening it all up.
Nothing like a fresh coat of paint, throwing the windows open and airing everything out -works physically, mentally and spiritually. Here is what I know about me that I am keeping for the next part of my journey; creating art and building things that have function, purpose or inspire rocks me to my core, music is essential to my peace of mind, I love hula hoops, mediation, archery, nature, walking, great conversations, good food, bass guitar and knitting. My husband and children are inspiring to me. Gratitude is the best attitude. And finally, I am responsible for me first, will help when and where I can, and enjoy the ride the rest of the time.
The Anniversary…
My husband and I have been married 15 years. We didn’t take a honeymoon or have been extravagant in our marriage, more practical than not. There has always been room for the new guitar or painting, whatever interest we have at the time. We have disagreed but never have been mean spirited. When one of us has had the need to be a bit of a mess because of whatever the circumstance, the other has stepped it up and hung in for journey. There is also, after 15 years, a knowing that has settled in. It isn’t about what love and marriage is to anyone else, about expectations, or how well we are doing but knowing when to fully be there, when to lend a hand and to be close, and not to let the daily of life get you down. Most importantly, it is a rare occasion that we ever part without a kiss. (It’s my favorite part.)
Mother’s Day…
Oh the children! I just LOVE my kids. There was a short time during the toddler years that there was a touch of doubt. But with hindsight we have found laughter in the storytelling.
The best thing about being a mother is I now know there is no limit in my capacity to love. If I can be the best guide and mentor to them as they learn and grow, they will have the wings and courage to soar on their own. But part of being that guide is not just telling them how to live but to be a living example. It is far easier to achieve happiness when you know what it looks like.
The next part of the journey, well, it’s crossing the canvas…
